One major problem experienced by couple who participate in swinging activities is the feeling of Jealousy (Bergstrand & Williams, 2000; Constantine & Constantine, 1971; Denfeld, 1974). Feelings of jealousy have been attributed to most dropouts by swinging couples. Many swinging couples after the initial period of swinging begin to feel the impact of jealousy on their primary relationship (Bergstrand & Williams; Constantine & Constantine; Denfeld). Jeolousy feelings are usually more pronounced among couples who are at their initial stages of swinging and those couples who manage to maintain their swinging lifestyles eventually learn to confine these feelings (Smith and Smith, 1970).
In order to facilitate the swinging process and to protect their primary relationships, it is common for swingers to develop rules that aimed at preventing jealousy (Bringle & Buunk, 1991; Buunk, 1991). Contrary to the views that swinging couple do not care about their primary relationships, development of such rules and guidelines are efficient demonstration of swingers’ commitment to their primary relationship (Denfeld and Gordon (1970). These rules may be such as: (a) overriding loyalty (physical and emotional) to the primary relationship; (b) restricted intensity of engagement with extra-dyadic partners; (c) no emotional involvement with extra-dyadic partners and (d) honesty and openness about their involvement with other people (De Visser & McDonald, 2007).
Bringle and Buunk (1991) suggest that feelings of jealousy tend to be more pronounced in swinging arrangement where the extra-dyadic relationship touches upon areas that are important and unique to the primary relationship. According to De Visser and McDonald (2007), swingers expect swinging arrangement to be purely physical and therefore a distinction between sex and emotion is necessary. Therefore, couples participating in swinging are allowed to have sexual relations with other people but emotional intimacy and love must remain exclusively between partners in the primary relationships (Jamieson, 2004). In order to avoid conflict and feelings of jealousy, sex must remain a physical activity outside the primary relationship. The rules mentioned in the previous paragraph create a distinction between extra-dyadic sex and extra-dyadic love, and should therefore reduce the feelings of jealousy (De Visser & McDonald). However, common rules as the ones listed above do not work for, or are followed by, all swingers (Bergstrand & Williams, 2000; Constantine & Constantine, 1971: Denfeld, 1974).
Other factors that may also contributed to the feelings of Jealosy are threats to the relationship and threats to one’s self-esteem (Goldenberg et al., 2003; Harris, 2003; Parrot, 1991; White, 1991; White & Mullen, 1989). Developing rules that make a clear distinction between sex and emotions is crucial in eliminating the tendency to feel jealous and eliminating the threats to primary relationship (De Visser & McDonald, 2007). However, according to De Visser & McDonald, couples will also have to manage threats to their self-esteem in order to avoid feeling jealous. Threats to self esteem may arise from understanding by an individual, that their sexual partner is experiencing satisfying sexual intimacy with others. Therefore, it is important to consider how swingers cope with threats to self-esteem arising from the knowledge or suspicion that their partner enjoyed sex more with someone else (De Visser & McDonald).
Jealousy has been discussed in a negative light as something that is harmful and that should be eliminated (De Visser & McDonald, 2007). However, some argue that jealousy brought about by swinging can be a positive contributor to marriage and a means for personal growth (Gilmartin, 1974; Smith & Smith, 1974). Jealousy can be interpreted as an indication or expression of love and commitment (Buss, 2000; Sheets, Frendall, & Claypool, 1997). There are people who engage in jealousy- provoking activities with the aim of eliciting attention from their partners.
Couples who in engage in swinging activity do so with the main objective of bringing sexual excitement into their primary relationships (Jenks, 1998). This excitement is derived from watching one’s partner having sex with other people. There are studies that suggest that arousal – psychological and/or physiological – may be actually a reaction to the feeling of jealousy (Bryson, 1991). Thus, it would be advantageous if swinger could focus on managing jealousy in such a way that emotional jealousy is minimized while maintaining sexual jealousy. However, due to the negative connotations associated with the word ‘jealousy’, it may be difficult to describe what jealousy is and differentiate from similar emotions. Indeed, studies of jealousy within swinging couples may further an understanding of jealousy not as something static and unitary, but as something multifaceted and culturally contingent (Stenner, 1993; Stenner & Stainton-Rogers, 1998).
Researchers have linked swinging with certain benefits (Fang,1976). These benefits include: increase in perceptual awareness and appreciation of the mate, no deceit, shedding of sexual inhibitions, sharing of interest and mutual involvement, giving the marriage paramount loyalty, relief of sexual monotony, revitalization of marriage, physical but no emotional involvement, improvement in body image, increased sexual interest in the spouse, improvement in body image, increased sexual interest in the spouse, improvement of sexual performance, increased circle of friends, and a feeling of warmth, acceptance, and response not found in other social contexts. These last three differ according to the type of swinger that was presented (Fang).
Researchers have found that swinging is supportive to marriage (Fang, 1976). Evidence shows that couples participating in swinging value their primary relationships just as much as non-swinging couples. This is evident in the rules that govern most swinging arrangements such as; not meeting other swingers without the partner’s knowledge. This disapproves those with the views that people who turn to swinging are those who are experiencing problems with their marriages. In fact, data collected indicate that swinging is more beneficial to a healthy marriage than in a failing marriage (Fang). Researchers have also established that not everyone is emotionally capable of entering the swinging scene (Fang).
Contrary to the views that swingers are individual with personal problems, swingers are lead healthy and normal life like non- swingers (Bell, 1972; Gilmartin, 1974; McCary, 1973; Smiths, 1970). Using divorce statistics, it is difficult to make the deduction that swingers have an unhappy marriage. This statistics indicate that, the rate of prevalence of divorce among swingers is similar to that in non-swingers (Fang). When divorces do occur, swinging is not the main cause; it is usually just the last straw (Fang). Though swinging introduces new character into the sexual relationships of couples, it is not a replacement for one-to-one relationship (O’Neill & O’Neill, 1970).
Swinging is however, associated with various cons. The main ones include; too mechanistic and loss of identity, difficulty in finding appropriate persons to swing with, jealousy and possessiveness, lack of commitment and involvement, boredom and loss of interest, fear of discovery, inability to live up to one’s own psycho-sexual image, danger of venereal disease, impotence of husband, threat to marriage, fear of wife having more fun, wife’s popularity, wife’s inability to take it, feeling of exploitation of wife by her husband, development of outside emotional involvement, more quarrels, decisions to have a child, and disillusionment and disappointment (Fang, 1976).
Reports by Bartell (1971) and Denfeld (1974) of couple who had dropped out of swinging made various observations of negative effects of swinging. After interviewing seven dropout couples, Bartell found that jealousy was often experienced by husbands who felt their wives were having more fun and that some of their male respondents were disappointed because their fantasized expectations did not materialize. Furthermore, both Bartell and Denfeld found that some couples dropped out because swinging was felt to be too unemotional, mechanical and boring, leading to loss of identity, and lack of sexual pleasure. Some dropouts experienced fear of discovery, fear of venereal disease, and fear of rejection (Fang).
Denfeld’s (1974) study involved conducting a survey on marriage counselors who had counseled both current swingers and dropouts. Questionnaires entailed a list of negative problems, comparison of problems experienced by swingers and non-swingers, and positive aspects of swinging. The advantages tended to be temporary rather than long-term (Fang, 1976). Denfeld also raises the question as to whether decision to enter into swinging is usually arrived at in consensus manner (Fang). It appears to be sexist in that the husband is usually the initiator. Henshel (1973) reports 58 percent of the husbands as the initiator and only 12 percent of the wives. The wife either feels forced into the activity or feels exploited by her husband. When they report problems, the husband’s emphasis is on his pleasure and satisfaction whereas the wife stresses the maintenance of the marital unit (Fang).
